Deviant

You know when you hear that tune, that atmosphere that gives you the shivers. The uprising of it made me know, that, that was it. When it slows down and drops me into a ocean of tremolo, delay, synthesizer, bass and non touchable sound I saw it coming. It was just natural. I shivered.

Our new song has no name, neither is it done. But the three minutes of it, this far made me shiver. Ahh it felt so good.
On the balcony where it looked like something just fell from the sky we talked about how we're supposed to continue the shivers. Me and Elvis, almost simultaneously answered that we practically was satisfied with it as it was. We felt so good with it. Right now we're maybe doing on of our best songs and we'll se how it will end up.

In quite some time I have felt quite down. I do not really know why. But what I know is that it has given a effect on the band. But last night i realized that it couldn’t go on, 'cause it's affecting other people but me. You know, you can't be in one state of mind if it's giving a negative effect on other people, that's my opinion. I've been irritated on small crappy things and couldn’t really see the good things amongst all the irritation I saw as more important. It sounds really shitty, and it is. Sometimes we have these periods and it seems that I always have them in the summer.

I will now try to explain the interpretations of what and why it's been this way. Trying to explain one's mind is not always that easy. Because there are always tons of different values and factors that gives an impact of how you sum it all up, sometimes even the smallest things make me doubt. I feel numb and in one way gives up. Someone else's doing the job much better. Get it? Every now and then people are looking for acknowledgement because often in some sort of manic disorders they have this complexity of and in their preferences of themselves. My biggest issue is that when I'm not involved, I sometimes generate the feeling of being left out. And the lack of praise sometimes gets me even further down in it. This is completely fiction. I am not looking for more commandment than others but still, I need it in someway of confirmation of doing a good job. It's all mixed up inside of the blob between my shoulders.

I know that we don't have these childish tendencies of leaving someone out. Just in behave of some sort of revenge. Some people do that and I can't understand why. I think I've tried at least to make my self clear about that. But, I don’t know if you've become any smarter or understood a word that I just said. But I hope that those who need to understand it and didn't understand, reads it one more time.

In a week or so we'll have our next rehearsal and then, we are going to produce the best song we've ever written. And yeah, don't forget to log on to http://joyzine.se/?p=3546 and read our new review. It's our third review and we're happy of everyone of them, we learn from them.

victor.